I'm going to go ahead and call this post- "The Absence of Gnome 38". There's a story here (isn't there always?? That's what I told my students in story telling class every week- "There's always a story, close your eyes, take a breath and you can find it.")
I woke up feeling a little under the weather. I worked out, made breaky and then, inevitably headed out to work. When I returned from some running around after work, I plopped down on to the couch with my eldest and passed right on out- tired, not sure if I was ill but definitely at my end.
I woke suddenly to darkness and someone knocking on my door. Disoriented, I blinked up at my son as he bolted to see who it could be. As I sat there dazed and confused, he brought in a dear friend who, on the spur, decided to drop by for a visit (thank goodness!) and we proceeded to invite the whole family in. It developed into a party of sorts- talking and laughing and making food (a terribly late dinner at 9pm). And then, well, then they left taking most of their children with them (I tend to end up with extras) and I put them to bed and went face down myself- this time on the actual bed (always better for your neck the following morning).
This morning I opened my eyes, stretched and lay there luxuriating in the idea of having slept in- what a treat! And then it hit me- I hadn't made a gnome! I quickly and, rather involuntarily, ran through a few emotions: surprise, disappointment, anxiety, annoyance and, finally, a deep breath and a "oh-well-sometimes-these-things-happen" sort of feeling.
There's no gnome.
I was going to make it in the morning before work but then ran out of time.
I was going to make it at lunch but then had a meeting and errands.
I was going to make it after I got home from all that then felt too tired.
I was going to do it when I woke up from what I thought would be a short nap and then my friends showed up (again- thank goodness!).
I was going to make it while they were here but I settled into the wonders of conversation.
I was going to do it after everyone left and I fell asleep.
That's what happens. Sometimes our intent is lost in the momentum of this life and all that showers down on us in our day. Sometimes we just don't. Period. And it's not because we don't want to.
At first, this was a project of doing something - every day because I never had before. If I missed a day (and a gnome) it could mean the end of the whole practice because that's the way I used to work. But now, now it is ingrained and on days when it doesn't happen it feels odd and somewhat lack-luster and then I take a deep breath and carry on.
I guess you could say I attempt to "Stay Calm and Make Gnomes"-- Come to think of it I'm going to need a t-shirt that says that- you know I'd wear it daily :-)
The gnome pictured above is from the first year of the project (2012). He sits in that shell on his houseplant (a kokedama) with his bird and his sheep on my window sill looking out over the river. I see him every morning and am reminded to sit and be still with the beings in all their forms that I share this planet with.
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