There is no gnome for this day. Instead, I spent the day with my children, we attended a gingerbread house decorating party! And as soon as we returned home my dear husband whisked me away for a lovely meal at a new Indian restaurant and a movie. These sort of outings have been incredibly rare since we moved to Maine but we are, once again, able to treat ourselves (once in a while) to little things like this.
When I got home, I was overwhelmed by a powerful sense of loss tied directly to missing my beloved Pacific Northwest. So, I sat for a long time and tried to process this. I came to the realization that I have been spending a lot of energy containing this grief and refusing to mourn the loss of a place that I love. This containment is exhausting but I have begun the process of acknowledgement. Apparently, I have been trying to move on in several ways in this Maine adventure without allowing myself the time to mourn the loss of a place I have loved.- A place where I could walk the paths my children took when their feet could fit in my hand and so many of my memories are wrapped intimately into the moss-laden branches of the trees. Without taking time to acknowledge this and truly look at it, I cannot truly settle into this new and wonderful adventure. I tried to skip a step and that doesn't quite work in this sort of situation.
A good long cry can work a world of miracles!
There is no gnome for December 23, 2014 but there is new growth, new awareness and the beginnings of a journey to pick up pieces of myself I may have dropped along the way......