I won't lie- I was in the thick of it. Yes, I was.
Those days where I sit and wonder how I am going to manage, well, anything, really. Where's a resting place? Do they exist? Can they be found or must they be bought?
So many things swirl around my heart and mind and I can't keep them all straight.
Am I here? Should I be there? Should I take a leap of faith and just hope that things fall into place? I've seen it done by people before and they create this rainbow of abundance because they believe that it will all turn out and it does.
Or should I be careful and play it safe (as I tend to do)? What if my leap doesn't have a rainbow? What if my leap is muddy and stinky and gross and leaves our family struggling even harder? What if I just stumble and fall flat on my face instead of landing on my feet?
These gnomes, these damn, darling, gnomes- they keep me changing- they recharge me.
Somehow, every time I sit down to make one I think: "Look what your silliness has given me! Thank you." And my heart does this tight little squeeze inside my chest because it is so full of gratitude that I often just burst into tears.
And perhaps even more surprising is that I like myself more and more. I don't know how the gnomes did that but they did. For the first time that I can remember, I like who I am. And, I am ashamed to say, but must be honest, that a little part of myself says "Don't be too full of yourself. You aren't perfect!"
But, see, that's what I like best about myself!!
I love it that I am a work in progress. Because practicing my existence gives it more life.
This gnome- his gift is one of the greatest of all. He loves himself, wholly, truly and without reserve or judgment and that is one of the greatest gifts of all.
This gnome was made January 12, 2015